Laughter is the Best Medicine

A man comes into the ER and yells “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady’s dress, and begins to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are several cabs, and he’s in the wrong one.

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A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” instructed the nurse. “Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient.

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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”

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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now your left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both, ” I requested. There was silence. He said he couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

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A nurses’ aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed, “You’re not coming in here with me. This is only a one-seater!”

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During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?”, asked the doctor. “The patch.” The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn’t see….Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion she answered, “Why not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive.”

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And of course, the best is saved for last…. A nurse caring for a woman from Tennessee asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. The nurse asked to see thejelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”

A Strange Day

Today should have been a happy day…unquestionably happy. My Continental Cables Scarf pattern

in the current issue of Crochet! Magazine is quite a hit and I have been receiving compliments since the beginning of the weekend. Despite the apparent bravado, I am really quite humbled at the reaction and am thankful that, finally, this may be my big break. Time will tell,  but I feel optimistic.

But, then I get a call from my lawyer with the bleak news  that, in its current statis, my disability appeal is probably not winable. It seems that, had I made my living as a jackhammer operator, given the current condition of my health, I would have no problem with my application for disability. But, because my work experience has been sedentary, I cannot be deemed 100% disabled and therefore would most likely be denied once again. It seems that my doctor has a reputation of non-cooperation  is the disability process. That does not surprise me. I get the distinct impression that he has his own agenda when treating me, seldom listens to what I have to say and never writes anything down…documentation that is critical in this whole process.

My current insurance expires at the end of the month. Before re-applying, I will be changing doctors. I still may struggle with the disability appeal,  but I need a physician who works with me, not against me.

So, on a day when I should be elated, I am a bit disheartened. To make things worse, I can’t seem to finish any of my design projects. I have three patterns waiting to be written and another on the hook, begging to be completed. But, I have no will right now.  I don’t even want to go to my S&B this evening. I don’t think I’d be very good company. Maybe today is the day to just do nothing and not beat myself up over it. Tomorrow is another day.