19
Jul
16

I have no answer


It has taken the better part of my advanced years, but I am finally becoming comfortable in my own skin. I understand and accept my qualities and traits, good and bad. I enjoy my own company and have no fear of spending time alone. I look only to myself for fulfillment and, while I might welcome a long-term relationship in my life, I do not need one. I have learned to make the most of limited means and, under normal circumstances, make ends meet with some to spare. My introverted nature welcomes alone time but I find the time and conviction for volunteer work, taking me out of my shell into more vulnerable situations. Of course, my long association singing in men’s choruses in salvation for me – a creative outlet, for sure, but also another challenge to my introversion.

Taking all of the above into consideration, I still am at a loss as to why I have so few friends. The easy answer is to blame myself, that I must be giving off some unfriendly vibe. For me to initiate social interaction is a major effort, not for lack of desire, but more as demonstrative of my reserved nature so that, when my efforts or rebuffed or ignored, I am at a loss to understand. I have, on occasion, invited others into my home; I have always attempted to be welcoming to new faces in the chorus, I try to be attentive to other more sensitive individuals who may be coping in difficult times. Yet, I am rarely included or invited. Luckily, I have recently found a new baseball buddy and I am grateful. However, this recent development is the exception, rather than the rule. I simply do not belong.

Before I am accused, this is not a passive-aggressive attempt to get attention. This is an honest attempt to solicit feedback, publicly or privately, from those who know me personally, who interact with me on a regular basis, who share space with me in whatever situation. Why do I not belong in your world? What is it about me that prompts you to overlook me in social situations? Is it my appearance, my age, but financial status, my health issues? Or, is the whole package just not appealing?

Some of you are shaking your heads, wondering what the hell am I doing. Do I really expect anyone to give me an honest answer? No, not really. I suppose this endeavor is an exercise in hypothesis. Perhaps putting ideas to words will help me to understand the situation. Or, maybe, it is what it is and I am expecting too much from life. I have no answers.

So, I will crawl back into my safe space to wait and see if anyone reads this, if anyone is brave enough to confront me, if anyone is honest enough to challenge my assertions. But, I don’t expect any responses. This my life and I need to move ahead….alone, as I am accustomed to do.

13
Jun
16

Let’s make things perfectly clear


The Orlando massacre was a Hate Crime, plain and simple. In order to further fuel Islamophobia, the media, the politicians and religious right may spin this otherwise: that this was a terrorist attack. . There is no evidence that this was neither ISIS nor Taliban inspired, encouraged or endorsed. The man had shown history of mental illness and steroid use. He had demonstrated his hatred of same sex relationships. He became unhinged and, in his state of extreme hatred, he entered a Gay club in Orlando and began shooting, killing 49 and wounding many more. This was not a terrorist attack. It was a hate crime. It was a crime intended to kill as many in the LGBT community as possible, using an assault rifle. Do not be fooled. Do not succumb to the lies from the Right. If you disagree with me, despite the facts, well…it’s a free country. You, are, however, not allowed to post the disagreement here. To do so would demonstrate a direct betrayal of me and all for which I stand and you will be out of my life.

Sitting here, paralyzed by life, is not doing anyone any good. I have obligations, commitments, promises to keep. I need to open the door and face the realty of the day. Though 49 lives no longer enjoy the breath of life, I cannot die while mourning them. Change comes with action, not acquiescence. I need air.

If praying makes you feel better, useful,  knock yourself out. But, don’t pray for me. Pray for the intolerant, for the warmongers, for those who have the power to make changes, but refuse to do so, for the many for whom the death of someone gay is one less pervert in the world. Pray for those who believe that, somehow, a moment of silence will somehow compensate for a generation of inaction. Pray for peace, understanding, patience and respect. But, don’t pray for me. I need your strength, not your well-wishes.

15
May
16

Beating a Dead Horse


It has become clear that my discovery and acknowledgement of, and my attempts to cope with, my introversion have been less than efficacious in determining a comfortable place on the planet. I had thought that, once I came to terms with this character positioning and others understood why I behaved the way I do, that all would be right in my world.

To be honest, nothing has really changed. Naming something doesn’t always give control. As it is, I am becoming more and more isolated. By allowing myself guiltless moments alone has somehow signaled that I completely disdain social interaction.

Despite occasional awkwardness, I do invite folks into my space….but I am never invited back; let me emphasize NEVER. I have hosted social gatherings in the neighborhood, yet I have not been invited into anyone’s home. There have been an informal dinner, here and there, but no return invitation. If it were not for family and would spend every holiday alone. If I spend time with anyone, it is always with my initiative.

I am trying valiantly to maintain a semblance of healthy sense of worth, but it is difficult when it seems I have become a pariah. I am no longer young and pretty. I am not of great means. I am, essentially, all I have to offer. Apparently, that is not enough. There are times I am thankful my time on this planet is drawing to a close.

04
Mar
16

Class


There’s still room in both classes. The beginner’s class begins tomorrow. Don’t miss out.

Saturday March 5th, 12th, & 19th 2 – 4:
• Crochet in Three Sessions by the notable Peter Franzi! Class fee: $65. This is an incredible opportunity to learn the foundations and beyond of crochet with designer and instructor, Peter Franzi. Peter has an article which appears in each issue of Interweave Crochet and his designs can be found in major publications. We are fortunate he resides in the Bay Area and is available for local teaching. This special class will be held in three parts. During your first session you will learn at least 6 of the basic stitches including: single, double, triple crochet, chain, and slip stitch. Starting in your second class you will begin learning pattern reading by making a granny square. And, in your final session you will begin making a scarf and will enjoy a “yarn course” in which Peter will teach you the best choices for yarn for garments and other items. If you’ve had crochet on your mind and would like to learn do NOT miss this amazing course! Sign up early to secure your seat!

March 16th, April 13th, & May 11th 6 – 8:
• Top Down in the Round Crochet Sweater with Peter Franzi. Class fee: $65. Materials: you may choose a yarn in fingering, sport or DK weight. Prereq: Swatch with chosen yarn and hook appropriate for yarn. Come in on March 2 at 6 to consult with Peter about choosing a yarn which will allow us time to order your yarn should it be necessary. What a great workshop to expand your crochet skills! For your first session you will be working the yoke to the chest, the second session will be beginning sleeves, and the last session will concentrate on proper finishing of your garment.

BiStitchual Yarns and Notions
2406 San Pablo Avenue
Pinole 94564
(510) 964-7053

25
Feb
16

Men’s Crochet Classics


Unbeknownst to me, Interweave has published a collection of my designs which have appeared in Interweave Crochet. How exciting. Many have asked if these designs would ever be available apart from the magazine. Well, here they are… at least those published before this year. Go for it.

Men’s Crochet Classics with Peter Franzi

24
Aug
15

New Design


Check out a preview of my latest design, the Don’s Day Off Cardigan for Interweave Crochet

19
Aug
15

Water Lily Washcloth


washMy Water Lily Washcloth pattern is now for sale on Ravelry Check it out.




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